• Sign In
  • Create Account
  • Sign Out
  • My Account
  • NEWS
  • PRODUCTS
  • CONTRACTORS
  • ENGINEERS
  • RADIANT & HYDRONICS
  • INSIGHTS
  • MEDIA
  • RESOURCES
  • EMAGAZINE
  • SIGN UP!
cart
facebook instagram twitter linkedin youtube
  • CONTRACTORS
  • BATH & KITCHEN PRO
  • BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
  • HIGH EFFICIENCY HOMES
  • TECHNOLOGY
  • WATER TREATMENT
  • PMC COLUMNS
  • PMC COLUMNS
  • Dave Yates: Contractor’s Corner
  • John Siegenthaler: Hydronics Workshop
  • Kenny Chapman: The Blue Collar Coach
  • Matt Michel: Service Plumbing Pros
  • Scott Secor: Heating Perceptions
  • ENGINEERS
  • CONTINUING EDUCATION
  • DECARBONIZATION | ELECTRIFICATION
  • FIRE PROTECTION
  • GEOTHERMAL | SOLAR THERMAL
  • PIPING | PLUMBING | PVF
  • PME COLUMNS
  • PME COLUMNS
  • Christoph Lohr: Strategic Plumbing Insights
  • David Dexter: Plumbing Talking Points
  • James Dipping: Engineer Viewpoints
  • John Seigenthaler: Renewable Heating Design
  • Lowell Manalo: Plumbing Essentials
  • Misty Guard: Guard on Compliance
  • RADIANT & HYDRONICS
  • RADIANT COMFORT REPORT
  • THE GLITCH & THE FIX
  • INSIGHTS
  • CODES
  • GREEN PLUMBING & MECHANICAL
  • PROJECT PROFILES
  • COLUMNS
  • SPONSOR INSIGHTS
  • COLUMNS
  • Codes Corner
  • Natalie Forster: Editorial Opinion
  • Guest Editorial
  • MEDIA
  • PODCASTS
  • VIDEOS
  • WEBINARS
  • RESOURCES
  • INDUSTRY CALENDAR
  • DIRECTORIES
  • EBOOKS
  • PM BOOKSTORE
  • CE CENTER
  • MARKET RESEARCH
  • CLASSIFIEDS
  • EMAGAZINE
  • EMAGAZINE
  • ARCHIVE ISSUES
  • CONTACT
  • ADVERTISE
  • PME EMAGAZINE ARCHIVES
search
cart
facebook instagram twitter linkedin youtube
  • Sign In
  • Create Account
  • Sign Out
  • My Account
  • NEWS
  • PRODUCTS
  • CONTRACTORS
    • BATH & KITCHEN PRO
    • BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
    • HIGH EFFICIENCY HOMES
    • TECHNOLOGY
    • WATER TREATMENT
    • PMC COLUMNS
      • Dave Yates: Contractor’s Corner
      • John Siegenthaler: Hydronics Workshop
      • Kenny Chapman: The Blue Collar Coach
      • Matt Michel: Service Plumbing Pros
      • Scott Secor: Heating Perceptions
  • ENGINEERS
    • CONTINUING EDUCATION
    • DECARBONIZATION | ELECTRIFICATION
    • FIRE PROTECTION
    • GEOTHERMAL | SOLAR THERMAL
    • PIPING | PLUMBING | PVF
    • PME COLUMNS
      • Christoph Lohr: Strategic Plumbing Insights
      • David Dexter: Plumbing Talking Points
      • James Dipping: Engineer Viewpoints
      • John Seigenthaler: Renewable Heating Design
      • Lowell Manalo: Plumbing Essentials
      • Misty Guard: Guard on Compliance
  • RADIANT & HYDRONICS
    • RADIANT COMFORT REPORT
    • THE GLITCH & THE FIX
  • INSIGHTS
    • CODES
    • GREEN PLUMBING & MECHANICAL
    • PROJECT PROFILES
    • COLUMNS
      • Codes Corner
      • Natalie Forster: Editorial Opinion
      • Guest Editorial
    • SPONSOR INSIGHTS
  • MEDIA
    • PODCASTS
    • VIDEOS
    • WEBINARS
  • RESOURCES
    • INDUSTRY CALENDAR
    • DIRECTORIES
    • EBOOKS
    • PM BOOKSTORE
    • CE CENTER
    • MARKET RESEARCH
    • CLASSIFIEDS
  • EMAGAZINE
    • EMAGAZINE
    • ARCHIVE ISSUES
    • CONTACT
    • ADVERTISE
    • PME EMAGAZINE ARCHIVES
  • SIGN UP!
Plumbing NewsPlumbing & Mechanical ContractorBusiness Management

Guest Editorial: Having tough conversations

Learn how to facilitate a discussion

By Erica Leonor
GUEST-Positive-tough-conversations-GettyImages-1284444539.jpg
zakokor/iStock / Getty Images Plus via Getty Images
September 9, 2021

Have you ever put off a conversation with a co-worker or an employee because you knew it was going to be awkward or difficult? Like giving negative feedback or overcoming workplace friction? There have probably been those moments when you knew you should talk to someone, but you didn’t. It’s possible you’ve tried before, and it went badly. Because we’ve all had negative experiences in this regard, whether on the giving or receiving side of things, there will always be that fear of making the situation worse or even the fear of dealing with a defensive person.

If you’re like me, the last thing you want to do is micro-manage your team. But at some point or another, we all have to have those tough and crucial conversations with them. You’ll have to invite employees into your office for a performance review. Maybe you’ll have to discuss why expectations are not being met, set goals and action plans for improvement, tell them they have an odor or explain their language doesn’t fit in with your culture. No matter what you tell them, you just hope they don’t get too defensive and start any drama with the rest of the team.

What I’d like to do is outline four different areas we should all think about and ideally practice before going into a tough conversation. You and I don’t have to be perfect, but I want us all to be committed to improving and becoming the best leaders we can be. We are all human and the ball will be dropped, but it is important to check in with ourselves and do a self-assessment of where we are and where we want to go as a leader.

No. 1: Prepare

People don’t just wake up in the morning thinking “How can I screw things up today?” So, when friction happens or someone you work with pushes your buttons, it is important to remember to not make assumptions about this person’s intentions. This is way easier said than done, but that is why we check in with ourselves. I really like what Shari Harley says about providing feedback: “Feedback is either to change behavior or replicate it. There are no other reasons.”

Before ever going into a difficult conversation with someone, it is important to ask yourselves these questions and write your answers down — writing it down really makes you think about it — so that you are able to determine what/if any behavior needs to change or if it is just you overanalyzing something:

  • What buttons are being pushed and why?
  • What is the purpose for going into this conversation and what is the result I want from it?
  • How have I contributed to the problem? and
  • What examples do I have that support my reasoning to have this conversation?

If we don’t answer these questions for ourselves before we jump into a difficult conversation, we will most likely come across as critical, condescending or bossy. The conversation will go south quickly, and it will end up more like a punishment rather than being support and solution minded.

No. 2: Invite

After you have practiced and prepared yourself for a difficult conversation, it is now time to invite your employee to chat. Make sure that you are considerate of their schedule and their space. Calling them into your office can often be more intimidating than you going to their office.

Here are a couple of ways to invite the person to have a conversation with you:

  • There is something that has been on my mind, and I’d like to get your point of view about it. Do you have a few minutes to chat?
  • It’s important for me that we can all work successfully together, so I’d like to get your thoughts about _______. It seems we have differing perspectives and I’d like to come up with a game plan that works for everyone. When can we talk more? or
  • I probably should have said something sooner, and I apologize I didn’t. I have something I think we should talk more about, and I really want to hear your thoughts and feelings on the topic and share my side as well. Are you busy?

No. 3: Discover

Always go into these conversations with an attitude of curiosity. It is very important to be patient, humble and ask questions so that you don’t come across as a difficult leader. You want to facilitate a discussion that will lead to proactive solutions, not have someone stomping off ready to quit.

One thing to note: please make sure you avoid using the Feedback Sandwich Method. This is where you give a positive, then a negative, then a positive again. DO NOT DO THIS.

When both types of feedback are given at the same time, it can often confuse the other person as to your intentions. For one, they won’t believe any compliment you give them. Make sure your message is clear and not jumbled. Giving frequent, positive feedback is vital to making sure that the negative feedback conversations are successful. Oftentimes we get used to people doing a good job that we don’t feel the need to acknowledge them. So, make sure that you are very intentional about having positive conversations and rewarding the behavior you want so that it can be repeated over and over again.

Here are some of my favorite phrases to use when going into a tough conversation:

  • I’ve noticed …;
  • Tell me more about …; or
  • What are your thoughts?

Let me demonstrate how I would use this if I had to talk to a co-worker about being consistently late to work. For all intents and purposes, I will call her Jane.

INVITE: Hey Jane! There is something that has been on my mind, and I’d like to get your point of view about it. Do you have a few minutes to chat? (Jane says yes).

DISCOVER: I’ve noticed these past couple of months that you have been clocking in late about 2-3 times per week. Can you tell me more about that? (or “what are your thoughts on that?”)

This is where I really like how Judy Ringer puts the discovery process: “Pretend you’re entertaining a visitor from another planet and find out how things look on that planet, how certain events affect the other person, and what the values and priorities are there.”

I want to once again be patient and humble while Jane describes to me her reasoning behind being late. It is very important that I listen to everything she says, acknowledge it and thank her for sharing. It’s possible that she might get defensive — or even I might get defensive depending on what she says. But getting defensive can often be a good thing — it means the other person cares.

No. 4: Solutions and expectations

Next, it is important to continue asking questions to come up with a solution together. If it’s just your idea, it’s less likely to be implemented. Feel free to set expectations right now — and always follow it up with the why. Here are some of my favorite phrases to use in this step:

  • In my experience …
  • So that …
  • What can we do to make this work? or
  • How would you handle this situation?

EXPECTATIONS: In my experience, having everyone here by 8 a.m. will ensure a successful workflow between all departments so that we all participate in providing a great experience for our customers. What do you think will work in making sure you can be here with the team on time each morning?

Make sure you pause and let them talk at this point. If they share some ideas, that’s great! Build off that, ask more questions and go back to the discovery process, if needed. Work together to create solutions and results. As Cy Wakeman says, “Your job as a leader is to manage the energy, not the people.”

You’ve got this.

KEYWORDS: business administration business coaching contractors

Share This Story

Looking for a reprint of this article?
From high-res PDFs to custom plaques, order your copy today!

Erica Leonor is a Customer Experience Coach and Sales Trainer at Power Selling Pros.

Recommended Content

JOIN TODAY
to unlock your recommendations.

Already have an account? Sign In

  • Worker using the Milwaukee Tool SWITCH PACK drain cleaner

    Pipeline profits: Drain cleaning, pipe inspection create opportunities

    Drain cleaning and inspection services offer lucrative...
    Green Plumbing and Mechanical
    By: Nicole Krawcke
  • Uponor employee, Arturo Moreno

    The reinvestment in American manufacturing and training

    Plumbing & Mechanical Chief Editor Nicole Krawcke and...
    Plumbing News
    By: Nicole Krawcke and Natalie Forster
  • March 2024 Women in Plumbing hero image of woman engineer overlayed by circle of hexagon shapes with numbers from 1 to 10

    Celebrating 10 Influential Women in the Plumbing Industry

    Celebrating Women's History Month and Women in...
    Plumbing News
    By: Nicole Krawcke
Subscribe For Free!
  • eNewsletters
  • Online Registration
  • Subscription Customer Service
  • eMagazine
  • Manage My Preferences

AI can boost efficiency and profitability for plumbing, HVAC contractors

AI can boost efficiency and profitability for plumbing, HVAC contractors

NIBCO Press Solutions

NIBCO Press Solutions

IPEX celebrates grand opening of new Florida distribution center

IPEX celebrates grand opening of new Florida distribution center

Bell & Gossett Illustrates Path to Net-zero at AHR Expo

Bell & Gossett Illustrates Path to Net-zero at AHR Expo

More Videos

Sponsored Content

Sponsored Content is a special paid section where industry companies provide high quality, objective, non-commercial content around topics of interest to the Plumbing & Mechanical audience. All Sponsored Content is supplied by the advertising company and any opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily reflect the views of Plumbing & Mechanical or its parent company, BNP Media. Interested in participating in our Sponsored Content section? Contact your local rep!

close
  • J.J. Keller CMV vehicles on road
    Sponsored byJ. J. Keller & Associates, Inc.

    The dash cam game-changer for small business safety

Popular Stories

Underfloor heating installation with drain sewer hole in bathroom close up on water floor heating.

Using hydronics to leverage time-of-use electrical rates

Watts Nexa mobile image

Behind the Wall: Where smart plumbing gets smarter

Six tankless water heaters that feed the nutraceutical manufacturer’s operations.

How to deliver large volumes of hot water quickly and intermittently

PMCE Home-X April 29 Free Webinar: From Legacy to Leadership: Preparing Your Home Services Business for the Next Generation

Events

November 13, 2024

Future Proofing MEP: Navigating the 2026 High Efficiency Water Heating Standards

Join our deep dive into DOE’s new standards so you can future-proof your MEP practice.

EARN: 0.1 ASPE CEU; 1 AIA LU/HSW; 0.1 IACET CEU*; 1 PDH

View All Submit An Event

Poll

Will business be up or down in 2025?

Do you anticipate business in 2025 to be up or down in comparison to 2024?
View Results Poll Archive

Products

The Water Came To A Stop

The Water Came To A Stop

See More Products

Download the FREE Water Conservation, Quality & Safety eBook: Plumbing Trends Increasing Safe Water Availability

Related Articles

  • Upselling plumbing projects

    Guest Editorial: 8 tips for upselling plumbing projects

    See More
  • Guest Editorial: Solving the leadership gap in the trades

    Guest Editorial: Solving the leadership gap in the trades

    See More
  • Laurie Crigler is vice president of L&D Associates in Aroda, Virginia, and 2017-2018 PHCC - National Association president.

    Guest Editorial: A president’s farewell

    See More
×

Keep your content unclogged with our newsletters!

Stay in the know on the latest plumbing & piping industry trends.

JOIN TODAY!
  • RESOURCES
    • Advertise
    • Contact Us
    • Directories
    • Store
    • Want More
    • Supply House Times
  • SIGN UP TODAY
    • Create Account
    • eMagazine
    • eNewsletter
    • Customer Service
    • Manage Preferences
  • SERVICES
    • Marketing Services
    • Reprints
    • Market Research
    • List Rental
    • Survey/Respondent Access
  • STAY CONNECTED
    • LinkedIn
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • YouTube
    • X (Twitter)
  • PRIVACY
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • TERMS & CONDITIONS
    • DO NOT SELL MY PERSONAL INFORMATION
    • PRIVACY REQUEST
    • ACCESSIBILITY

Copyright ©2025. All Rights Reserved BNP Media.

Design, CMS, Hosting & Web Development :: ePublishing

search
cart
facebook instagram twitter linkedin youtube
  • Sign In
  • Create Account
  • Sign Out
  • My Account
  • NEWS
  • PRODUCTS
  • CONTRACTORS
    • BATH & KITCHEN PRO
    • BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
    • HIGH EFFICIENCY HOMES
    • TECHNOLOGY
    • WATER TREATMENT
    • PMC COLUMNS
      • Dave Yates: Contractor’s Corner
      • John Siegenthaler: Hydronics Workshop
      • Kenny Chapman: The Blue Collar Coach
      • Matt Michel: Service Plumbing Pros
      • Scott Secor: Heating Perceptions
  • ENGINEERS
    • CONTINUING EDUCATION
    • DECARBONIZATION | ELECTRIFICATION
    • FIRE PROTECTION
    • GEOTHERMAL | SOLAR THERMAL
    • PIPING | PLUMBING | PVF
    • PME COLUMNS
      • Christoph Lohr: Strategic Plumbing Insights
      • David Dexter: Plumbing Talking Points
      • James Dipping: Engineer Viewpoints
      • John Seigenthaler: Renewable Heating Design
      • Lowell Manalo: Plumbing Essentials
      • Misty Guard: Guard on Compliance
  • RADIANT & HYDRONICS
    • RADIANT COMFORT REPORT
    • THE GLITCH & THE FIX
  • INSIGHTS
    • CODES
    • GREEN PLUMBING & MECHANICAL
    • PROJECT PROFILES
    • COLUMNS
      • Codes Corner
      • Natalie Forster: Editorial Opinion
      • Guest Editorial
    • SPONSOR INSIGHTS
  • MEDIA
    • PODCASTS
    • VIDEOS
    • WEBINARS
  • RESOURCES
    • INDUSTRY CALENDAR
    • DIRECTORIES
    • EBOOKS
    • PM BOOKSTORE
    • CE CENTER
    • MARKET RESEARCH
    • CLASSIFIEDS
  • EMAGAZINE
    • EMAGAZINE
    • ARCHIVE ISSUES
    • CONTACT
    • ADVERTISE
    • PME EMAGAZINE ARCHIVES
  • SIGN UP!