On my lifelong journey toward understanding the peculiar ins and outs of older American heating systems, I’ve made some mistakes. Thankfully, none managed to settle me into a stay at White’s Funeral Home.

One of my more memorable mistakes was standing next to Dave Nelsen (may he rest in peace) in the basement of an antique Long Island mansion as he tipped over a Honeywell heat generator and spilled about a pint of mercury onto the rich guy’s floor. Dave and I were of an age where neither of us knew what a Honeywell heat generator was, and he, in what I suppose was a search for instant knowledge, first shook and then tipped the evil thing.